


And I Live in Hope that my Treachery Shall Be Punished Exactly as It Deserves, Most Severely

by Marta_Ayanami (orphan_account)



Category: Sengoku Basara
Genre: Multi, besides the reason I'm not mentioning all parings is because slight spoilers?, lots of AUs, lots of headcanons, no DNA tests back then, not that it matters, so feel free to guess?, some pairings are more one-sided than the other ones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-07-14 01:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7146533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Marta_Ayanami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time, Ishida Mitsunari swore he'd never serve anybody else than Hideyoshi-sama. He'd never become a traitor.</p><p>He broke that vow, now - condemning himself, he was certain, to some kinds of hells that even most wise men or most most wise monks didn't know the depths of. Certainly, for such most base treachery, as he now served some self-proclaimed Dragon King... what a hideous name... certainly... yes, Ishida Mitsunari, the most hideous traitor except for Ieyasu, would certainly, after death - and may it come soon - be condemned to eternal suffering.</p><p>Oh, he was waiting for it. For that eternal suffering, that is.</p><p>Because that, more than some annoying man with leeks or annoying manchild with horned helmets, would serve as proof for all the gods and all the men and even for Hanbei-sama who was now surely the highest angel in highest Heavens - as proof of how much Ishida Mitsunari payed in exchange for Hideyoshi-sama's life.</p><p>And then, he berated himself for taking pride in himself when he was - serving Date Masamune now and so - a traitor.</p><p>To punish himself, he'd gladly commit a seppuku, but Lord Masamune had, in his shrewdness, explicitly forbidden it.<br/>____<br/>TBC in:</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Prologue**

The monkey was dead, or so it seemed to Date Masamune at least. Killed by that kid, Tokugawa. And then, there was the monster, the rabid dog, screaming as if by screaming his lungs out he could make the monkey wake up this instant.

And then. _Stuff_ happened. _Lots_ of it.

"Who... are you?"

"Don't tell me you still don't remember, Ishida."

"Who are you? How dare you come here, disrespecting Hideyoshi-sama's death---"

Somebody impertinent then cut into the conversation--

"Please stop wasting your time with Hideyoshi's little dog. It seems that Hideyoshi is still alive, only severely wounded--"

"Kojuuro, what? With the injuries that Tokugawa gave him, I thought--- you're right, the monkey's still breathing. I guess if some doctor helped him, he could even live, so we should finish the job and kill him before the party start--- Kojuuro, can you explain why Ishida looks like he's going to lick my boots, when he doesn't even remember my name?!"

 

________

"Listen well, Ishida, _alright?_ As my retainer - or prisoner, if you prefer---"

"No. I am now your retainer. I am now a traitor to the Toyotomi."

Date Masamune sighed at hearing such an unreasonable answer. _Traitor? When he's doing it to save his monkey lord? When he said: if all you want is me, you shall have me, you can have even the marrow of my bones._ Still, Date shook his head, and, seeing Kojuuro's glance, decided to indulge that strange, monstrous Ishida for now. "Yes, yes, you're a traitor to Toyotomi. If that _asshole_ Hanbei comes marching here, give me his head on the platter, _etc, man."_

"Is that an order, Masamune-sama?" Ishida asked, looking strangely relieved.

" _What?_ Yes, I guess it is. You can even go and do it now if you want, just _be back before midnight._ Because at midnight, we're going to _party."_

Ishida Mitsunari bowed, took his sword from the floor, and left the room. And soon left Ooshu. Which was weird. What was going through that guy's head?

"Masamune-sama."

"Mhm, Koojuro?"

"According to our scouts, Takenaka Hanbei is, most likely, already dead."

Date's eye widened. That _asshole_ was dead, as he should be - and that other _asshole,_ who was calling himself a traitor from some false pride or modesty, but who was as loyal to the monkey as the Right Eye was to the Dragon - that asshole knew that. He knew it. He knew, and so---

"So, Ishida wanted _vacation._ To go to his Takenaka's grave. If so, he could've asked. Besides, does he even know that I was _kidding?_ About the head."

"Well, Masamune-dono, he was quick in seizing the opportunity."

The Dragon scratched his head, looking thoughtful. For such a long time, that Kojuuro even began to wonder if something's happened.

"If I died," Date spoke at last, "and afterwards you needed to cut my head off to accomplish some goal of mine, would you do it?"

For Date Masamune, the uncomfortable silence that followed was answer enough.

 

That Ishida guy was a freak, but then again...

 

________

Mitsunari Ishida was indeed feeling relief right now. He was kneeling at Hanbei-sama's grave right now and telling Hanbei-sama about everthing. He had a feeling that, even with the treachery that Mitsunari's commited, Hanbei-sama would praise him for saving Hideyoshi-sama's life - Hideyoshi-sama's very life!! - and so, for the first time this week, now kneeling for the first time at Hanbei-sama's grave, Ishida Mitsunari felt almost happy.

Which was a crime, since he was now a traitor.

"Hanbei-sama, my apologies for such a visible lack of respect, but I now need to desecrate your grave and your most sacred body most basely. Do I have your permission, Hanbei-sama?"

And so, Mitsunari Ishida sat there, almost unmoving, for seven hours, remembering all that Hanbei-sama's ever said on the matter of saving Lord Hideyoshi's life.

And now, knowing that if his soul was pure enough to hear the orders of the Angel or God that Hanbei-sama now was, high above, and surely looking at Mitsunari right now... yes, he wasn't just following that 'dragon''s orders, he was following Hanbei-sama's orders after all. So in that instance, he was absolved.

So he now dug into the grave, with all the reverence and gentleness he could... trying not to cry.


	2. Short Interlude - Whenever Will He Wake... I Could Even Begin Praying, But Whom to?

**Short Interlude - Whenever Will He Wake... I Could Even Begin Praying, But Whom to?**

 

He never imagined such a vast amount of time.

That is, Mitsunari Ishida had been serving the One-Eyed Dragon for half a year now.

No, he never imagined that he'd still be alive today. He rarely drank, ate even more rarely, but he did eat, whenever the Right Eye ordered him to do so.

In his mind, looking back at the past, one thought was crystal clear: someday, Lord Hideyoshi would wake and leave the Oushu and go to finish his glorious conquest. On that beautiful, glorious day, Mitsunari, his promise to the One-Eyed Dragon now fullfilled, would commit seppuku in peace and nobody would be able to stop him.

Ah, that was still the plan.

There was just one kink in the plan.

Hideyoshi-sama hasn't awoken yet.

Hideyoshi-sama suffered a severe head trauma from Ieyasu's---no, don't think that name, right now, with no permission from the One-Eyed Dragon to kill Ieyasu, or rather, an explicit order not to---- and now, Hideyoshi-sama was in a coma, or the doctor was lying.

Certainly, the doctor was lying.

When Mitsunari first heard - was first allowed to hear, after spending three months in Oshuu - about the coma _lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies_ it was as if all the blood had frozen in his body, for a moment, and he would've killed the doctor if not for the Right Eye's swift intervention because the doctor said, all the medics said _lies lies lies lies lies lies lies_ that Hideyoshi-sama was in a coma.

 

**************

 

_"Hanbei-sama! Hanbei-sama! Hanbei-sama!!! You-- you -- give him some medicine!! You're a medic, are you not?? I'll kill you if Hanbei-sama doesn't stop being so pale and and and... barely breathing---!!!"_

_"He's alive, Mitsunari-sama. He... well, there's a chance that Hanbei-dono shall still wake up before the end, because he's so strong willed, but... the best we can do now is--"_

_"Silence!! I'll now go and tell Hideyoshi-sama that you refuse to cure Hanbei-sama!!!"_

_"D-don't, please, I beg you, don't say a word to Lord Hideyoshi, I'm begging you, Mitsunari-sama... because Lord Hanbei is in a comma, that's true, but he may wake up yet, so, I'm begging you..."_

_All the medics were now pale and shivering, trembling in fear of sudden death. There was no patient that they wanted to cure now more than they wanted to cure Takenaka Hanbei, knowing what may happen to them if Takenaka Hanbei does not wake up._

_There was even a quiet whisper after Ishida Mitsunari lef, some young doctor whispered "When Lord-almost-dead-for-how-many-years-that's some-agony-skills-really dies, I'm telling Lord Rabid Dog first, not to our highest Lord. Because - swords are sharper, so, less painful----r-right??"_

 

____________

 

More than anything, Ishida Mitsunari, Toyotomi Hideyoshi's left - former left - arm, hoped for the day Hideyoshi-sama would be awake. Would pray for it, had he remembered how to pray.

More than anything, deep in his heart, in the depths barred from the light of the day, the sacred depths that only gods were permitted to oversee, Ishida Mitsunari, Toyotomi Hideyoshi's left arm - former, former, obviously - feared the day Hideyoshi-sama would be awake. Would pray to all the gods for Hideyoshi-sama to stay asleep and alive, so that the hope could remain, had he remembered how to pray.

 

Because the blood that was flowing in Mitsunari's veins, though it should've been frozen, kept whispering of another waking day.

 

************

_"Hanbei-sama! Hanbei-sama, you're finally awake! Hanbei-sama, is there anything you need?? I shall fetch the water---"_

_"Mitsunari... kun... the water is close enough... even for me... Still, you're... a good boy."_

_"H-Hanbei-sama. You- you should rest, Hanbei-sama."_

_"Mitsu... nari... kun... don't you see? When I close my eyes again, it'll be for the last time. So let me go. To Hideyoshi. I can go... without closing my eyes... for a week, I think... I had done so once. I need to ask Hideyoshi... where to... next..."_

_"H-Hanbei-sama! Hanbei-sama, Hideyoshi-sama went after the traitor, Ieyasu, who defected from us, who betrayed us, while you were sleeping!!! I-- I wanted to go as well, Hanbei-sama, but Hideyoshi-sama, Hideyoshi-sama said that since you're sleeping, you need protection, otherwise, someone shall kill you in your sleep, Hanbei-sama--- and so, I was ordered to stay behind, as Hanbei-sama's shield, till Hanbei-sama says otherwise!!! Hanbei-sama, please, your orders!!!"_

_Silence. And then, coughs._

_Blood. Mitsunari's seen Hanbei-sama cough blood before, but not that much. Never that much before. A few droplets were now on Mitsunari's hands and face, not that Ishida cared or even took note of that, because he was leaning so close to Hideyoshi's Right Arm, taking in all signs of distress, trying to think how to kill the illness - but he was no doctor! Would that the demons of such illness came as physical beings, so that he could cut them into pieces, no matter how large or small they were!_

_"Bathe yourself."_

_"Wh-what, Hanbei-sama?"_

_"Bathe thoroughly, Mitsunari-kun. That's an order."_

_"Y-yes, Hanbei-sama!! I shall peel my skin off, if that pleases you!"_

_"Yes, yes, that will be fine, do so, in those places. And then... go... go to Hideyoshi. He'll need your help... fighting Ieyasu. Go!"_

_"A-and you, Hanbei-sama??"_

_"I'll... join... Hideyoshi... in next battle... ah, I forgot... where is... next battle... tell me, please... Hideyoshi..."_

_"H-Hanbei-sama!!!"_

 

*******

"Eat."

Katakura. Again.

"Why?"

"Because you haven't eaten for two weeks, now, Ishida Mitsunari."

That wasn't true, Mitsunari knew. It was two weeks and five days, or something like that.


	3. Chapter 1 - If I Believed in Miracles, I Would've Already Slaughtered Whole Oshuu

**Chapter 1 - If I Believed in Miracles, You Would All Be Dead, Lord Masamune**

 

Eight montsh had passed. Date Masamune had to admit that as disturbing, pathetic, and creepy that asshole Ishida was, he was also useful. He was not a worse warrior than Kojuuro - and Date knew that when it came to the asshole Ishida, he'd be able to win against the Right Eye as well, if not for one thing - Masamune had explicitly forbidden Ishida from killing Kojuuro.

Ishida, extreme as he was, apparently took it to mean that no hair on Kojuuro's head could be harmed - and that showed. Especially when the two men were sparing.

Ishida tried to sleep tonight. Masamune knew, because when Ishida tried to sleep - once in a blue moon (what, did the _asshole_ Takenaka Hanbei teach Ishida how to live without sleeping, eating and breathing when they were together?) he had some _seriously sweet dreams._ Nightmares, the _right_ word was.

And then Ishida would wake the whole Oshuu with his screams of _Hideyoshi-sama!!! Hanbei-sama!!!_ as loud as if he was being skinned alive.

Speaking of which, that nasty scar on Ishida's cheek, _who the hell_ could manage to injure such a _monster_ like this? And the way Ishida would touch it sometimes, like you would touch something in a temple of revered gods, was a bit _creepy,_ even for Masamune Date.

"Hey, Ishida." He still got some kick of trying to find ways to humiliate the jerk, and he just thought of something that Ishida surely wouldn't agree to do, but he just wanted to see his face expression. "Lick my boots, or your Lord Hideyoshi will be dead tomorrow."

And then, it all happened so suddenly - but Kojuuro was on a mission, in Saica Stronghold, and so, nobody could stop it. And the shiver of disgust went through Date's spine, and how could someone be so quick not only with his blade, but also with his tongue?

Because Ishida Mitsunari was now kneeling before the One-Eyed Dragon and obediently - the guy did not have the word 'joke' in his dictionary, what with the Takenaka Hanbei incident, eesh - licking Masamune's boots, very thoroughly.

" _Enough!_ " Date shouted, irritated enough to shout this in the language of dragons, while kicking Ishida's face.

There was no trace of anger in Ishida's face, only what seemed to be almost complete indifference. And he stopped licking, just like that.

"Yes, Lord One-Eyed Dragon."

Because the fact was, that during all those months, not once did he call Masamune by name, at least not to his face. _How obstinate,_ Date thought. Surely he was doing that on purpose.

"Anyway, Ishida: you're never to lick my boots, even if I tell you to. Understood?"

Ishida Mitsunari nodded slowly, with as much care as if he was being forbidden from climbing the moon in the sky. So, no care at all.

"Anyway, Ishida. Some doctors say that your lord gorilla may wake up soon. When he wakes up, I'll allow you to visit him - but only in my RIght Eye's presence."

Masamune didn't understand Ishida's sudden reaction, so apparent and completely unhidden in Ishida's eyes. Happiness, hope, relief, _yeah,_ those were there, but also some kind of sudden, bone-chilling fear, palpable enough that even Date Masamune was tempted to shiver or tremble, so infectious that terror seemed.

Because it was some kind of terror, rooted deeply in Mitsunari's heart and bones.

So Date asked, as idly as he could. "Now why does that scare you? I know you miss your monkey."

"Am I ordered to answer?"

Tch. Ishida Mitsunari never answered - never truly talked to Masamune - unless ordered to. After all, for all his faux-modest talk of treachery and failure, Ishida Mitsunari never failed his monkey lord, Masamune knew - and now, no matter how many small victories owed to the asshole Ishida, Ishida was still a Toyotomi, and that could never change. A viper, tamed by the fact than the monkey's life was, temporarily, in Date's hands. But not really, since the doctors prognosed that the monkey was going to make the full recovery.

"Yes, I'm ordering you to answer. Precisely so."

"Then, my Lord, I shall answer. Takenaka Hanbei was also asleep for days. Upon waking up with the last of his strength, he soon died. I have not seen his death, exactly - but I saw the moments close to it."

"Huh... and here I thought Toyotomi's rabid dog stayed with the asshole to his last breath."

"No, my Lord. Hanbei-sama, in his wisdom, ordered otherwise. Thanks to that, I stopped Ieyasu in time from killing Hideyoshi-sama. And another thing - I was also stopped, by Hanbei-sama, from sharing Hanbei-sama's illness. Because I need to stay healthy for Hideyoshi-sama."

"Huh..."

"And for you, my Lord." Ishida Mitsunari added, as if it was necessary. And it seemed strangely sincere, in a roundabout way.

Yes.

Maybe Kojuuro knew what to make of the _asshole._ But Date Masamune was beginning to understand one thing - this asshole was the guy who would infect himself with one of his Lords' illnes and only cleanse himself of it when ordered.

Who would cast all his pride away and serve the man whose name he could not remember, just to save some monkey of his.

This was, in short, the man who had no warrior's pride or spirit. No, he was not similar to Kojuuro, Date had been wrong about it.

"I loathe you, _you know?"_

Ishida nodded. "Thank you, Lord One-Eyed Dragon, for such consideration of me."

Date sighed and dismissed Ishida for the day.

 


	4. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - Take your Monkey and Go, _Alright?_ Because I learned to respect your _guts,_ monkey boy**

 

His heart was now hurting more than the lack of fingers on his left hand ached (a dull pain, a phantom pain, the medics had called it - and Ishida agreed, it had to be his spirit's pain, for he had lost those five fingers to Ieyasu, stopping his golden fist from murdering Hideyoshi-sama with his own bare hand, and he remembered the pain of his fingers twisting and bending more than should be humanly possible, and he remembered Ieyasu's falsely shocked and worried face, the hypocrite---!!!), the pain of anticipation - was his Lord waking up to life, or to death, as Lord Hanbei had awoken, and Mitsunari didn't even have time to see Hanbei's death, for in his wisdom, Hanbei-sama, his body wracked by invisible enemy inside, so much that Mitsunari wished he could exchange bodies with Hanbei-sama, Hanbei-sama, in his wisdom, bade Mitsunari Ishida follow Hideyoshi-sama's and Ieyasu's trail immediately, and so, thanks to Hanbei-sama only - as Mitsunari took pride in being his blade at the moment, the extention of his will, going where his body could not - yes, only thanks to Hanbei-sama, Hideyoshi-sama still breathed.

"Your late fingers, _huh?_ I know the kind of pain," Date Masamune, his temporary Lord, Eye-Eyed dragon, uttered, incomprehensibly.

Only then did Mitsunari noticed that the fingers - still working and existing fingers - of his left hand were cluthing the empty fingers of his right glove, which he donned on because he was going to Hideyoshi-sama, who was almost awake and healthy now, the doctor said. And Mitsunari was sure that his Lord had enough concerns right now and didn't need some petty, insignificant concern of the likes of the fact that Mitsunari Ishida had lost five fingers. Really, it was nothing his Lord needed to see, he was quite sure. And he wouldn't even attribute the idea to himself, not deep in his heart, at least. No, he had lessons. He had many lessons from Hanbei-sama on what was significant knowlege to Hideyoshi-sama, and what was insignificant. For example, Hanbei-sama's illness was, even though every bone, every drop of Mitsunari's blood rebelled at such knowledge, but he still took it to heart - yea, for example, Hanbei-sama's illness was insignificant, a petty vecation that their Lord had no need to hear of. Young Mitsunari remembered that well and never mentioned Hanbei's invisible innedr demons in the presence of the Lord. Or in the presence of Ieyasu, or in the presence of Sakon.

Gyobu - Gyobu knew, knew of Hanbei-sama's insignificant illness, and what a relief it was, when Mitsunari was but a twelve-year-old, to learn that Gyobu, that Yoshitsugu knew, and to cry, and sob, disgracefully so, into Gyobu's lap, taking so much comfort and warmth from the man that the stupid, insignificant, foolish footsoldiers had called cold and accursed by the demons of misfortune.

And it was no shock that Yoshitsugu knew - for that man, too, was fighting with invisible demons inside of his battered body. How strong these two men were! If Mitsunari had been assaulted from within like this, he couldn't bare it, he was sure. He would take his sword and drive it inside of himself, in the desperate battle to kill either the demons of illness within or die trying. Meanwhile, these two wise men - they battled the strong demons within patiently, enduringly, never giving up, never retreating more than strategically necessary!

Mitsunari Ishida admired such strenth with all of his heart and soul.

 

And so, he took care never to say a word of such (amazing, enduring, respectable) insignificant battles to Lord Hideyoshi.

 

"My fingers did not matter," Ishida answered, almost snarling.

"Yeah, yeah. Take your monkey and _go,_ whenever he fully wakes. I had enough of your _asshole_ presence here. Starting today, you're no longer 'mine', _see?'_

Mitsunari Ishida's eyes widened. "Is that true, or are you _just kidding, sir?"_

 _"Oh, good._ In these couple months, you did learn the language of Dragons, after all! Good, now let's go wake the monkey up and throw the monkey and monkey boy away from Ooshu at last! Been too long."

Katakura nodded solemnly, apparently agreeing with the sentiment.

And he opened the door to the medic ward, where Lord Hideyoshi was slowly stirring awake on his bed.

Faster than a lightning bold, Ishida Mitsunari found himself kneeling, before even thinking, at his Lord's side, his Lord's right hand clutched tightly in his left, and he was, he swore, never letting go.

"Never _again, see?"_ Mitsunari muttered. "Never, _forever."_

And Lord Hideyoshi, looking completely healthy, the Doctors were right, awoke and gazed upon Mitsunari, so sign of recognition in his eyes.

 


	5. Short Interlude - You Would Die for Him, but Would You Lie for Him?

**Short Interlude - You Would Die for Him, but Would You Lie for Him?**

 

_Iyasu!! I've had enough of your greed, of your ego, of your lies, to last a lifetime---!!_

_Through the bonds (lies lies you killed my only bond and even so--) made by warriors (liar liar) we'll know peace again (liar liar liar I'll never know peace again I shall show you liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar!!!!)_

_He's a monster. Have you seen the colour of his hair? Everyone in the village knows - that one had been cursed by the spirit of vengeance. Only such that are cursed by it are born with silver hair. Kill him!! Hang him! He's no son of yours! He's a demon (lies lies lies I'm a human), he's just a spirit of vengeance, send by that witch of yours (lies lies lies I'm human why are you lying lies lies lies lies such cruel lies love me I'm human look I'll do things for you I'm not so useless as other children I'll do things for you even if it hurts so love me)_

_-Shhhh, Mitsunari Ishida. I noticed you have some issue about this hair of yours, constantly trying to cut it. I don't know the reason, but I assure you, your hair is fine as it is. - Is it, Hanbei-sama? What if a demon lives there? - Ah, what a quiant superstition. Local? Then, let's see the fearsome demon bite me._

 

_Hanbei-sama petted my hair, you know? Now I know there's no demon there._

 

_Finally, there was truth._

 

_And later, whenever I felt said, if Hanbei-sama, and later even our Lord himself, Hideyoshi-sama (that Hanbei-sama would tell him of such an insignificant doubt of mine, what bliss), touched my hair, I---_

 

 

_Felt true._

 

_Felt real. Felt human. No longer felt the noose on my neck demon demon demon---_

 

___________________

 

"Who are you?" Hideyoshi-sama's booming voice, sounding completely healthy now, thank Heavens, but--

 

And the world came tumbling down.

 

___________

 

_Don't pull my hair, Ieyasu._

_Why? It's so funny. Your hair, that is. With a triangle for a fringe!_

_If you pull it again, I shall call the demon of vengeance from inside._

_He he, you tell the funnies jokes, Ishida! Can I call you Mitsunari?_

_Hmph. You liked my... joke?_

_Uh-huh!_

_You may call me whatever you like._

_Yes!! Mitsunari, Mitsunari, Mitsunari, Mi--!!_

_Enough! Anyway, just so you know: the demon of vengeance that lived in my hair had been felled by Hanbei-sama and Hideyoshi-sama! Nobody has the power to revive them anymore, noone in this world!  
_

_I'm... glad?_

_You should be, Ieyasu. You should be._

_Yes, because we're friends, Mitsunari._


	6. Chapter 3 - Stupid, foolish, ignorant fool such as myself...! Why did I lie to my Lord's face?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panic can make people remember the weirdest things, and let themselves be guided by them, even if such things were said in jest. That is the truth universally known.
> 
> And he had succumbed to the weakness of panic - how weak was he?!
> 
> He wished Gyobu was here, to make sense of his fears. He wished Sakon was here, to make light of them with his innecessant prattle.
> 
> He wished Lord Han--- no. Time can never be turned back.
> 
> He wished, more then anything, he wished, wished fervently, that Ieyasu was h----

**Chapter 3 - Stupid, foolish, ignorant fool such as myself...! Why did I lie to my Lord's face?!**

 

_Who are you?  
_

_Demon child._

_Toyotomi vassal._

_Who am I, Hanbei-sama? Why did that brat, Ieyasu, think I was your son?_

_Hmm. I don't suppose I ever sired you, Mitsunari-kun, sorry if it's something you wished. That village of yours is familiar to me, but were it as Ieyasu thinks, you would be four months older, or at least three months older, Mitsunari-kun._

_Oh... so, I can't be your son, Hanbei-sama? Even if mamma wasn't always honest?_

_If your bithday is to be believed, you were born three to four months earlier than a nonexistant child of mine from your village would have been, I am sorry to disappoint you. However, that's only blood - if you wish to be my heir, just try and become more intelligent, Mitsunari-kun. Then - you may have a chance._

_Hanbei-sama!!!_

 

"Who are you?"

"I... Hideyoshi-sama, you... you don't... remember me?" The world, it was still falling apart. And now some dark moths decided to dance before Mitsunari's eyes - just because he hasn't eaten much for two months, maybe? No, preposterous. He had to be strong now, for Hideyoshi-sama. And what did it matter... what did it matter if Mitsunari himself was forgotten? He deserved to be forgotten!

"Hmm. There's truth in your eyes, stranger - I don't think it's a lie that you know me, even if I don't know you."

For some reason, Katakura decided to meddle there and stated, infuriatingly so, the current date. Nothing else, but still - who was the Right Eye to come between himself and the Lord?! How did he dare?! It was a private _party, OKAY?!_ Katakura would do _ok_ to understand even that much, in Mitsunari's opinion.

Hideyoshi seemed lost in the thought for some time, as if trying to deduce the stranger's identity on his own, with no help, and as if the task was not easy, but was not impossible, either.

"Tell me, boy," Hideyoshi-sama asked, suddenly grabbing a fistful of Mitsunari's hair, pulling the young man close, "do you come from a very small, filthy village near Omi?"

"I do, my Lord," Mitsunari replied, bowing deeply, which was slightly painful, as most of his hair was still in Hideyoshi-sama's mighty, large hand.

Suddenly, Lord Hideyoshi let go, laughing.

"I see. I must have been hit in the head. So many years that I surely forgot: I apologise. I can see my lack of memories pierces your heart, but be strong, like you should be. For I know that no weakling would be born of the Toyotomi army."

The world stopped, no longer tumbling down. Mitsunari had the strangest feeling that he had, just now, inadvertently lied, even though every word he uttered was pure and honest truth, frankly so...

And so... what sort of devilry was this?

Suddenly, he remembered the words uttered by Hanbei-sama... but no, no, no, certainly, their Lord would not remember where and when Lord Hanbei took to sleeping with a worthless whore for some reason, or not... certainly not, why would Hideyoshi-sama remember such a trivial, insignificant matter?

Hideyoshi-sama sighed deeply and then tried to calm himelf, apparently.

After a few minutes of silence, he said, "We seem to be... in Oshuu. Is that right, my boy?"

Mitsunari nodded wordlessly.

"And... how?"

Mitsunari uttered weakly, trying to gather his thoughts, "I - in exchance for months of my service, after the foul betrayal of your Lordship at the hands of the wicked villain, Ieyasu Tokugawa, the Lord Eye-Eyed Dragon has graciously saved your life at my pleas, Lord Hideyoshi. In exchange, I humbly offered him my service, till my last breath if he so wished, together with every drop of blood in my body, and all the fluids of my bones, if he so wished, for no price is too high for Hideyoshi-sama's life!"

He said it rather quietly, because he still wasn't sure whether the world has, or has not stopped spinning.

Hideyoshi nodded approvingly, but then frowned. "Child, don't offer every droplet of your blood without my permission."

Mortified, Mistunari Ishida knelt low before his true Lord, his only Lord. "Allow me to beg for your forgiveness for this crime, and ask for swift and just punishment at your hand, Hideyoshi-sama! For I sinned, by offering freely the life that belongs to you only!"

Lord Hideyoshi smiled. "I will indulge you this time, boy. For your punishment - eat something. You look as if you haven't eaten if few days. And tell me your given name."

"You - you believe me, Hideyoshi-sama? In the truth of all I say... even without remembering... even my name? I - I am Mitsunari, but call me whatever you wish, my Lord, for my name is only worth anything on your lips only---"

Ah. Hideyoshi signalled for him to stop, with his hand, so Mitsunari was quiet now. Meanwhile, his Lordship stood up, with some difficulty, and yawned, apparently fully comfortable in his presence. How peculiar---

"Mitsunari-kun, calm down. As a son of Hanbei, you needn't apologise to me so extensively. You did well. Eat and sleep now - for three hours at least, not just one. That's an order."

Mitsunari Ishida nodded wordlessly, inwardly cursing himself for lying - lying so heineously. Lord... Lord Hanbei's son?! He should deny immediately, he should, he should, he should, he must----

\---how come... he didn't want to deny, he didn't want to protest, not with Hideyoshi-sama's present smile, not with Hideyoshi-sama's hand on his shoulder.

Sinner, sinner, sinner!

Katakura was, Mitsunari just realised, looking at him strangely, and he noticed Katakura mouthing silently, so that Hideyoshi would not see: _are you truly that bastard's son?_

Helplessly, Mitsunari jerked his head in a gesture that was part headshake, part nod, and part something akin to how he would tilt his head if he shrugged: _How could I possibly know? I wasn't there!_

_Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar!!!_


	7. Interlude - And It Hurt the Most, When He Said There Was Truth in My Eyes, for What Else Was There in Them but Accidental Deceit? Still, He Wasn't Wrong, for He Was Never Wrong, and I Don't Understand

**Interlude - Still, He Wasn't Wrong, for He Was Never Wrong, and I Don't Understand**

 

_What would you do, if your god has finally descended back into this sinful world, back at your side, and your heart threatened to explode with joy, the phantom pain of your left fingers all but forgotten, for that was only such a measly prize, after all?_

_What would you do, then, when world suddenly spiralled down at the speed that was dizzying even for you - you, who, if you were to believe Sakon, were just a vague blur of speed on the battlefield, a fast moving shadow who moved with the speed of light?_

_What would you do, in short, if God forgot your name, your existence, your loyalty, your everything - which meant that you know didn't exist, for you could only exist if you saw yourself reflected in God's, Angel's, and that man's eyes, and the wise Angel was dead, the man turned a traitor, and God forgot you?_

_Would you lie? You, who abhorred lies, with the loathing that burned stronger than Ieyasu's false golden fires of his pretty speeches?_

_Would you lie... even though you uttered no falsehood, you lied, didn't you?_

_Liar._

_Liar._

_Liar._

_Liar._

_Traitor._

_For was it not a treason, not to explain the reality as it was to your Lord, and instead, because of the lack of memories - memories that that man had stolen, on purpose, you can't be more certain that he did it on purpose... was it not a treason to instead let the Lord look at your demonic hair, and at your eyes that somehow, in your Lord's opinion, are similar to the Angel's (but how could that be true? Was that a sign that Hanbei-sama was watching over him - him, the unworthy of such grace! - from highest heavens?) and assume - and not correct him with truth - that you were Hanbei-sama's son and heir?_

_How vile, how deceitful, how blasphemous of you. Will you dare to sleep, after such a foul deceit? A deceit... your deceit, your hypocrisy, now, for you know your Lord right now would tolerate no stranger at his side, and you're a stranger, now, for that is what you deserve..._

_A deceit that you carry on, while leaving Oshuu with your Lord on your back, for... what did the doctors say? Ah, yes, it will take some time till your Lord's muscles make a full recovery._

_A deceit that you continue even when Sakon finally finds you two - you think, idly, he looks as if he was looking all over the Land of the Rising Sun, with barely any rest, running himself ragged, but that is fine, for Sakon, unlike you, is a good, honest, loyal retainer, and it is only right that he is remembered by you, utterly and completely, while you yourself are forgotten by your Lord._

_Yes, you continue with the hypocritical lie, for the next few weeks. This sin - this abhorrent sin, you even drag your left hand into it, for you order Sakon to always pretend - in Hideyoshi-sama's presence - that you indeed are Hanbei-sama's son, and respect you accordingly._

_Sakon doesn't seem to mind - doesn't seem to mind or even completely understand that you're dragging him to the ninth circle of hell. He's a good subordinate, unlike you._

_You, however, are a traitor. Afraid of losing your place at your Lord's side, you now practice lie, deceit, hypocrisy, and blasphemy every day, from the sunrise to midnight._

_Ah, you may tell yourself that you had uttered no false sentence, no false word, but that, in itself, is your hypocrisy._

_How are you any better than that man? He, at least, is happy with his lies, while you --- every day, the joy of being at your Lord's side barely, just barely, outweighs the weight of your dreadful sins._

_They weigh so much, that it's apparent for any who knows of them, like Sakon, who tries to make light of them, and even suggests that maybe you really are the son and just don't know it, that maybe you were a born early child._

_This lie - there are moments when you allow yourself to believe it, for it would bring you such bliss, such joy, such peace---_

_And after those moments, you loathe yourself the most, and you loathe your left hand as well._

_For who in his right mind could suggest that you - an unworthy traitor and a liar - could be born of Hanbei-sama's radiance, even unknowingly so?_

_Your left hand, this foolish guy, says you're not lying, just not saying something unnecessary, in order not to disturb your and his Lord, is all - for who in this land can be certain who their father is? It's not as certain as with the mother - and in fact, he wouldn't even bet on his own father being his father, he says, laughing._

_Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar._

_You cannot be Hanbei-sama's son, for Hanbei-sama said it himself - you would have been three or four months older, or younger. You don't remember well, not quite, for when you think of Hanbei-sama, you can't help but picture your blade, cutting---  
_

_So you don't think of Hanbei-sama, you are not allowed to._

_Liar._

_Liar._

_Liar._

 

_For today, your name 'is' Takenaka Mitsunari, and the fires of hell await you for all your lies and all your blashemy and each and every one of your other sins. Sakon doesn't understand the full weight of your sins, that's all, he's too young._

_And wherever Hideyoshi-sama - Hideyoshi-sama who is getting betrayed by you, for what else is a betrayal if not a lie--_

\--and I believe in my bond with Hideyoshi---

_if not a lie, and so, wherever Hideyoshi-sama, not knowing yet, but oh, you will have to tell him, you want to tell him, you want to suffer his wrath, you want your body destroyed by him, nothing left, in righteous anger, so that your soul may be purifed of your lies and be a faithful servant to your Lord again - not knowing yet, whenever he smiles at you, or pats your hair, it pierces your heart like nothing else, and it's a pain that you deserve, so it's the pain you constantly seek, ignoring Sakon's concerned faces and some strange attempts to explain some made-up word like 'masochism'._

_Liar. In short, you are a liar, and a traitor, and if Sakon's made-up 'masochism' explanations ring true, you're also an unrepentant liar and an unrepentant traitor, and so, you loathe yourself with every fiber and your being - and still, you're happy._

_You're glad, for how could you not be, when your Lord is alive, and getting stronger every day? Sometimes, he asks about Hanbei-sama, and Sakon helpfully lies that Hanbei-sama is on a mission, and you - you don't even have to lie, to lie aloud, that is, your Lord just looks at you and conclude that from your gaze that you miss Hanbei-sama very much, and so, either the mission must be very long, or Hanbei-sama is feeling unwell and resting in some castle, and the two of you were ordered not to worry amnesiac Hideyoshi with that._

_Yes, you're a liar, now. Somehow you manage to lie now with every true and honest word, with every true look, you're astonished at your own sin, for you never knew---_

_You never knew you were even able to lie, without killing yourself first._

_Sometimes, you hope it'll kill you slowly, and sometimes, you just wish your lie made yourself evident to Lord Hideyoshi, so that your punishment may be swift, and just._


	8. Blessing or Curse

**Chapter  4  - Blessing or Curse**

 

The villager was, more than anything, currently glad that he was an unmarried man as of yet. What would happen to his wife, if he had one? She'd have a heart attack, no doubt! Or she would just die of fright upon seeing those three demons.

Yes, three demons. It's been a week since they came. It was, the villager supposed, the fault of the readhead demon, the one most human of them all. The villager heard him say: _...in an inconspicous place, you know, 'til our Hideyoshi-kou here remembers everything? We can have vacation!_ and the other one, the demon, or a small god, or a warrior monk, a warrior monk to that human avatar of some kami that was their leader and came with them, too... the warrior monk nodded in agreement.

It has been a week since then. The human-like spirit or demon's name was, apparently, Shima or Left Hand. The warrior monk was an Ishida? And the avatar of a kami was called 'Lord' or 'Lord Hideyoshi' and the reverance that the warrior monk showed him and the fear that the lively spirit showed him proved, beyond all doubt, his divine nature. The villager would not dare speak to the god or to his monk, so he usually spoke to the lively readheaded spirit, if he had to talk to any of them at all.

The villager was not a learned man, but he could see the death in warrior monk's eyes and the earthquakes in the avatar of god's eyes, and the villager had no suicidal tendencies, no.

And so...

"Shima-sama. Please excuse my impertinence, but what is the divine Lord Hideyoshi's will as to the length of his visit in my small, humble abode, if that is something you can divulge to my humble self?"

The villager chose a moment where the warrior monk was inside - after all, what if he accidently offended the avatar with his improper speech? Surely, the warrior monk would choose to curse him for that. While the other one, that lively wind spirit, Sakon Shima, maybe would not curse him so.

"Eeh? Ah, that! Well, see, 's case of not really knowing how long. See, there's a problem with Lord's memory... ah, he's gonna kill me if I babble about it! You won't say I said a thing, will you? Eheh."

"On my soul, I won't say a thing, Shima-sama." The villager was already wondering whether he should tell the warrior monk immediately or not. Would it result in the villager's death? Or would silence? He had to consider that.

"So, 's like that, see: I've no idea when we're leaving, man. No idea at all. But we're not bad guests! Mitsunari-sama even helped you with your crops. So why complain?" The spirit seemed genuinely confused about the villager's fears.

"N-no, I voiced no complaints, I swear! Please, don't tell his Holiness!"

"His... what? Hideyoshi-kou?"

The villager shook his head, now too terrified to speak, pale with fright. But then, he finally managed to utter, "The m-monk... Ish-Ishida..."

Sakon Shima stared for a long moment and then began to laugh and the villager felt even more scared. What if the monk, Ishida, came back? He alwys seemed even more frightening whenever anyone dared to seem _jovial_ in any way. Oh no, he would lose his head today, after all.

So in the evening, he prayed to all the gods above and below, thanking them for the fact that he hasn't died yet. Even though he was certain his life would not last long now, not when three denizens or high heavens or high hells, he knew not which, dwelled in his humble abode.

Sooner or later, he would surely offend - accidently so - the kami incarnation or his warrior monk, and then his life would be forfeit.

Tonight, like every night since they came, the villager barely slept, and in the morning, the fourth visitor came, flying. This one, the villager thought, even with being uneducted, that one, the villager decided, was a demon from some low hell, a demon of misfortune and illness. He seemed to be a dear friend to the warrior monk and... Well, somehow, maybe it was good that he came. Some of the warrior monk's razor sharp tension and unhappiness disappeared when the demon called Gyobu came.


	9. Interlude: And Sakichi Chose to Erase this From His Own Recollection: Thing the Fifth

**Interlude: And Sakichi Chose to Erase this From His Own Recollection: Thing Number 5**

"A few years ago, in a land not so distant, you see, for nothing is distant for the wise men such as he and I - oh, and the Lord, naturally, naturally - there lived a wild boy whose name was Sakichi.

Sakichi was such a precious boy, and no wonder the Lord and the wise man later chose him for their heir, and if so, for their very own son, for the wild pup could be domesticated in just the _right_ way, that much is no lie.

For you see, the wilf wolf remembers many things, and what he remembers the most is the hands that fed him, for he was a wild thing on the verge of starvation.

Food? My, my, what a jest. That is not the kind of food I speak of. The food that hares and deer care about is not the food the wild pup would care for. Oh, no, he would gladly starve himself of that for one meager offal of something he was on the verge of starvation for, and then he would wag his tail and lick the hands that fed him that.

Oh, what a pitiful sight it was, and how enjoyable. For one kind word, this child would go into flames, and then, upon receiving a word of kindness or praise, the child confess that he hasn't done enough to earn it, that he doesn't deserve it yet, and ask what _could_ he do to pay, even in small, meager parts, for the overwhelming feast he was given?

This was a child of misery, and so, I was keen to observe it. I do think that I observe it with no less keen of an eye than our wise man did, though some might think differently: it's a steep competition, when it comes to that, that much even the stars would admit.

However, the wise man was the first to realise: before our Lord, and before even myself, for our Lord's sight was never too keen inside, as the stars no, so excuse me, but that was no competition. However, yes, before even myself, the wise man realised:

Sakichi had been broken, and rebuilt. And like a broken thing, he was still made of pieces, and could remove them at will. And Sakichi removed them at will, and would remove them at will, if there were too many pieces of misery inside him at one time too bear.

And so, I would admit that there had to be an ounce of intelligence - or, craving for safety, perhaps? - in the wild child of ours.

Ours? I do mean Lord Hideyoshi and the wise men, naturally, for the wild child was made of them, was it not, in the wild child's mind? Not of me. And so, excuse the slip of the tongue, friend.

What did the wild creature forget, would you kindly ask? As for that, many things, ones that the wild thing would rather not happen at all. Ah, but that is a secret, not mine to tell, for I am the only man alive and with memory enough to remember them. My sincere apologies."

________________

_Hanbei-sama! Hanbei-sama! Hanbei-sama! Hanbei-sama!_

_Mitsunari-kun, let me closer. I need to take a look at the wise man - he had an attack of his illness, you see._

_Hanbei-sama! Hanbei-sama! Hanb---_

_Ah, I thought shaking you may help. Now, let me closer._

_I killed him I killed him I killed him I killed him I killed I killed him we were sparring and suddenly he fell I killed him I killed him I kill---_

_Mitsunari-kun, forget this and let. me. closer._

_Forget......_

_Mitsunari-kun?_

_Gyobu?! Hanbei-sama?! Gyobu, what happened to Hanbei-sama, why is he barely breathing?! Who did it to him?_

_Ah, I believe he was sparring with someone. I think you should go and find the culprit. You see, our wise man should not hold sparring sessions while so very ill, and his sparring partner should not agree._

_I'll kill him! Whoever sparred with him, I'll kill that man! Gyobu, take care of Hanbei-sama, I beg you! I'm going to find the culprit!!!_

_Ah... And so, he ran off. Now, I should take the wise man to the infirmary. But did the child truly forget? What an amazing mind. Amazing indeed. Is that the power of misfortune?_

_It's... always.. about misfortune... Gyobu...?_

_Ah, wise man, finally awake again? What else has the power in this child, if not misfortune he was born of?_

_That's not... what he was born of... I'd guess._

_What then, the wise man? What then?_

_If I was sure... I'd tell him. However... only almost. No matter... anyway._


	10. Second Interlude: Sakichi Knew, and therefore, Saying that only Ieyasu was Guilty Was a Lie: Sakichi, too, Almost Murdered the Lord

**Second Interlude: Sakichi Knew, and therefore, he, too, Almost Murdered the Lord; Sakichi Was Guiltier than Ieyasu Ever Was**

 

There were things that Sakichi remembered, and things that Sakichi forgot, depending on what would leave Sakichi with the least amount of holes inside.

There were things that Sakichi knew, and things that Sakichi didn't know, depending.

There were things that Mitsunari listened to, and things that Mitsunari didn't listen to, when it came to Shadows, for his sacred Lords forbid him from giving the Shadow too much of a voice, and so, that was how it was done.

 

 

Sakichi trusted the Shadow.

Mitsunari of the Toyotomi did not trust the Shadow, for his Lords ordered him not to trust it.

Sakichi had been saved by his Shadow many a times, and he was grateful.

Mitsunari had been saved by Hideyoshi-sama's Divine Light, and so, in the Light he trusted, for the Light saved his Soul and Heart, whereas the Shadow, which had saved him many a time, could only save the worthless body.

 

______

Takechiyo, soon Ieyasu, was the being of Light. An irritating one, a frustrating one, a lazy one. Mitsunari had no reason to like him.

But he had all the reason in the world to _trust_ him. For Mitsunari didn't know, because he closed himself to the knowledge of his own spirit, but deep inside, Sakichi knew - Ieyasu Tokugawa, Ieyasu was the being of Light.

Therefore, to distrust him would be a blasphemy.

That's what Sakichi told the Shadow and that's what the Shadow told to Mitsunari's unconscious mind, whenever - rarely - Mitsunari would sleep - that's what, through whatever remained of Sakichi, the Shadow would impart on Mitsunari's Ishida dreams.

Ieyasu Tokugawa, just like Hideyoshi-sama, was of Divine Light.

If you distrust him, won't that make you a heretic?

And so, Mitsunari Ishida would look upon that naive, irritating, helpful, smiling face, and trust him despite himself, some part of him feeling that to distrust him would be a sin against all that made Hideyoshi-sama Hideyoshi-sama.

And so, that trust was born, or earned, or not, he knew not, not anymore.

Besides, Ieyasu wasn't half-bad at fighting for the righteous cause of the Toyotomi Clan, is what Mitsunari would tell himself, to justify the feelings that could no longer be consciously justified by the Shadow, for Mitsunari Ishida closed his conscious mind to the Shadows, as ordered by both of his Lords.

 

To distrust him would be a blasphemy.

It was the thought he never had, for what resides in unconscious can barely be called a thought, for it is buried very, very deeply, in Shadows deep and thick.

 

__________

_**~~On that day, the Lights will clash. Can't you feel? How his Light is shaking, begging him to push, to push away the Light that is too hurtful for people?~~ ** _

_**~~Wake up! Can't you feel? Tomorrow, or after tomorrow, or after tomorrow's tomorrow, the Lights will clash, I can feel it coming! Can't you? Hey, dear, aren't you listening? Aren't you? Aren't you? Can't you feel--- if you don't block the fist, the polaris will come? Can't you feel even that much, Sakichi? Since when are you deaf? THere was a time you heard everything!~~ ** _

 

**___________**

 

Mitsunari Ishida was guilty of the fact that Hideyoshi-sama almost died, and of the fact that Hideyoshi-sama lost his memory.

Why was he guilty? He couldn't say. He didn't know that he knew and he didn't know how he knew, for he didn't know.

He didn't know.

But if asked, he would say, if you asked him in his heart of hearts, "I almost killed Hideyoshi-sama. It's all my fault."

If asked why it was his fault, he wouldn't be able to say, maybe he would just mumble something about his sins.

Unconsciously, he would throw a quick glance to his own shadow, failing to truly see his own Shadow, for he closed his eyes to it, and his ears, but not the very core of his heart.

And that's how the part of Mitsunari Ishida that remained Sakichi knew all about Mitsunari's neglect-induced-guilt, and tried to inform him of it.

And that's how Mitsunari Ishida almost, almost knew, though he knew not why "I'm guilty of Hideyoshi-sama almost dying, too."

He wouldn't know why.

But 'why' didn't matter anymore.

And what a blessing that he had already been punished for this attempted murder, at least slightly, for when he blocked Ieyasu's fist, he lost some of his fingers to it.

What a blessing indeed, that such a vile crime wasn't left unpunished. For that, Mitsunari was almost grateful.

 

But today, he was still sinning. Right now, he was lying, and being an impostor, just to be able to stay at the Lord's side.

And whom could he ask for proper punishment, today? Sakon? Gyobu? They were never too good at punishing him, unfortunately.

 

Ieyasu? If he met Ieyasu again, could he punish Ieyasu properly and ask for proper punishment in turn? Could he?

 

_~~**You can, Sakichi. For Ieyasu is of Light, just like your Hideyoshi-sama. You can. Go ask him, cleanse yourself. Punish him first, and then ask to be punished. Do it, it will ease your mind.** ~~ _

 

Tonight, Mitsunari heard his own shadow, for the first time in years.

The fact that he spend so many nights sleepless, more than ever before, could somehow be connected to that. Perchance. Perchance not.

 

_________

 

"Mitsunari-sama? Oh, he's asleep. Well, that's great, he slept so rarely, I thought I'd have to somehow ask Lord Hideyoshi to order him to sleep, or whate--"

"Silence, Sakon. If you speak about Him so flippantly, and try talking to him without my permission when he can't even remember you, I'll have your head."

It sounded as though Mitsunari-sama truly meant it. Well, whatever Mitsunari-sama just dreamt of, couldn't be pretty.

And surely it was an illusion of the moonlight - and in the moonlight, Mitsunari-sama always looked less like a human, and more like some otherwordly or divine being - but for a moment, not for the first time, Sakon Shima momentarily thought that through the gust of wind, he saw Mitsunari's shadow move in quite an inhumane way, as if it was another being, that writhed slightly now, like a wounded animal.

Naahh, illusion of moonlight. Beautiful, though, if saddening. Mitsunari-sama was always beautiful in the moonlight.

 

_______

 

**_~~Wind, tell him to go away. How is he even necessary? Don't ignore me now, Wind!~~ _ **

 

 _ ~~~~_ ~~~~The wind only whistled.


	11. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Of Young Tigers, Party Dragons, Wolf Monks, and Lost Souls - or Maybe They're One and the Same**

 

  _Twins. There were twins. Two boys, or maybe one was a girl? Looked like it. Or maybe not.  
_

______________

 

He sighed, blocking the Dragon Claws with his fist, and uttered, „Masamune-dono, I haven’t come here to fight. Only to ask you one question.”

“ _Okay, shoot._ What’s the question? Is it about Ishida Mitsunari?” The One-Eyed Dragon asked, smirking and disengaging his claws.

“So it wasn’t just a rumour, after all. Mitsunari was here? For months? Were the two of you able to form a bond? I would never guess he’d come to be allies with you.”

Ieyasu looked thoughtful, but somehow, also a little pleased, or at least that’s how it seemed to Date. Nowadays, Tokugawa _youngster_ was a bit _hard_ to read, sometimes.

“ _Nah._ I thought I could use another sword, for the war I was waging, so I took him. And I wished to humiliate him utterly. Not gonna do it again, _you see?_ Left a bad taste in my mind. The guy’s _crazy._ Sometimes, I almost got tempted to order him to cut himself into little pieces, for what he had done to _my guys.”_

“I see. Back then, when Hideyoshi-dono sent Mitsunari to Ooshu—“

 _“_ Shut up, Tokugawa, _no interruptions._ So then, he would have cut himself into little pieces, _you see?_ Faster than a lightning. And I’d never have my revenge. Besides, have you seen his eyes? I want to fight him again, so I let him go. We have a promised _party_ later, when his monkey recovers.”

Ieyasu Tokugawa’s eyes widened at that, and Date Masamune smirked, as it was the first undoubtedly genuine thing Tokugawa brat did since coming here. Not that the brat’s other actions rang false – it’s just that it was _hard to say._

_"Hideyoshi?"_

"Nah, some other Monkey king. _Of course_ I'm talking of Hideyoshi's recovery, Tokugawa!" Saying so, Masamune couldn't help but smirk. He disliked the assholish monkey, and the assholish monkey's partner, what with said partner keeping his Right Eye from him for a time, but, still... the young Tokugawa's ego was growing _too big for his breeches, you see?_ Ah... maybe I spent too much time with Ishida Mitsunari, Date thought, shaking his head. His influence is quite _bad_ for objectivity... not that one needs to be 'objective' to _party._

 _"Hideyoshi? He's..._ Don't tell me he's still alive. After everything... after I had to hurt Mitsunari like that, still..."

"You mean Ishida's fingers? Don't you worry yourself over Ishida Mitsunari's fingers, he's very happy to have lost five for his monkey lord. _Seriously,_ he's like a child on _Christmas Eve,_ glowing - glowing, I tell you - anytime anybody notices. So, _dude,_ keep it _cool,_ you did him _a favour,"_ Date said, almost laughing.

Tokugawa wasn't smiling anymore, which probably meant he was honest now, Masamune thought idly.

"Thank you for helping Mitsunari recover, Date Masamune. I'm grateful."

"Yeah, _yeah._ No skin off my back, dude. You're still planning on killing the monkey, aren't you?"

Tokugawa nodded solemnly.

" _Good luck._ But I'll beat you to it, Ieyasu Tokugawa."

"I almost hope you will..."

"What?" Date frowned at that.

"Nevermind. I mustn't hesitate anymore."

___________

 

"But Mitsunari-sama, why would you kill such a nice villager? He even gambled with me!"

"He offended Hideyoshi-sama!! He dared compare him to some average god!! How dare he?!"

"Mitsunari-sama, if you kill people for such reasons, where will we live till Hideyoshi-dono recovers? Please, think next time, okay?"

Meanwhile, Yoshitsugu chuckled. "Surely, the villager knew that Mitsunari brought misfortune when he first appeared. So be at ease, Sakon, surely he was prepared."

"Nope, he wasn't. Eeehhh, nevermind. Just a bit of a shame, he was a good gambler. Oh, well..."

Suddenly, Mitsunari knelt, so Sakon quickly shut up and did the same. Yes, that sure was Hideyoshi in the doorway. Yeah, another five minutes of kneeling for sure. Or more. That depended on Mitsunari-sama, really. It ain't like Hideyoshi ever orders him to kneel. Then again, it ain't like Mitsunari-sama ever ordered Shima to follow him, so that much was perfectly understendable. But he knew - that the fact that Hideyoshi still didn't remember was slowly killing Mitsunari-sama inside. All that rescued him now was the fact that Hideyoshi still appreciated Mitsunari-sama's presence- for reasons that were or weren't true.

And so, Sakon decided, nobody in the world would call Mitsunari-sama Mitsunari Ishida in Lord Hideyoshi's presence, nope, not ever, no matter what he had to do to prevent them from doing so. First, whenever the Toyotomi soldiers came, he'd have to tell them that Mitsunari-sama was Mitsunari Takenaka Hanbei now, for you, unless you liked decapitations. Easy peasy. Second... second... eh, he didn't plan that far.

He would make do.

Somehow.

"Mitsunari, my left hand, listen. I've recovered enough. I wish to meet my army again."

"Yes, Hideyoshi-sama! I... allow me to express my happiness, joy, and gratitude at your swift recovery after Iyeasu's underhanded, treacherous strike!"

"Hm. I should also thank you. You've suffered damage in protecting me - I saw your loss of fingers, Mitsunari-kun."

Somehow, Mitsunari-sama didn't weep for joy. Mitsunari-sama really matured over last few weeks, Sakon realised. Seeing as right now Mitsunari-sama only wept for joy and gratitude - and shame, that was a constant now, since Mitsunari-sama felt like an impostor - on the inside.

Oh, did Sakon accidently smile? Probably, seeing as Mitsunari-sama glared at him. Oh, well. Hideyoshi, recovered or not, didn't even notice, so Sakon was probably going to be able to keep his head for now. Good, because the soldiers had to be informed of Mitsunari's surname taboo.

Yeah, there was a lot of work before him, because Mitsunari-sama would never do it. Because Mitsunari-sama never lied. Which was, frankly speaking, quite cool, too.


	12. Interlude: He No Longer Knew What Was What, He Was in Shadows, and Light Pretended to Be Very Dim and Confused - His Unworthy Shadow's Fault; He Would Save the Light from Himself, He Swore

**Interlude**

**He No Longer Knew What Was What, He Was As Always in Shadows, but Today Only His Own, Not His Leader Shadow, and Light Pretended to Be Very Dim and Confused - and so, He Would Save the Light from Himself, He Swore  
**

 

**~~The Light wasn't lost.~~ **

_That's how he managed to draw his breath, still. The Light wasn't lost. It lives, it thrives. Alarmingly weak at first - like a candl-----  
_

_no, you... what blasphemy is this._

_Alarmingly_ ~~**wea-** ~~ _\---- not as strong at first, but quickly growing in strength._

 _However, he had a terrible feeling_ ~~**\- premonition -** ~~ _that some of this strength was... some of this strength... what it thrived on... was the fact, that, he, Mitsunari Takenaka---_

_But it was a lie... wasn't it?_

_Yes, it was a lie._

_My name is Mitsunari Ishida, he should say. And then, let the true strength of the Light rebuild on something else, something truer, something stronger, and--_

 

_But could what Sakon said not be true?_

_'Who can tell?'_

_Why, then... naturally, who could be certain that Hanbei-sama was_ not  ** ~~and what a bliss it would be, for it to be true, yes, boy, I know your feelings on the matter~~** _his father, for who could say - after all, young as he was back then, and even know, he only knew that he knew but didn't know how he knew for who could have repeated the one year old's memory to hi_ ** ~~Bastard, he called you. That Ishida man, Masatsugu. Bastard, he said. Bastard - and the offspring of silverhaired demon!! You--- how could you?!~~** _m?_

 _Even so, truth be told, what if he was_ **~~unworthy? I tire of your tirades on that~~ ** _not, and then he was unworthy of even such a thought, the very thought was a blashemy!!_

 _Why, then, was he touching the scar, the sacred scar, one of many scars, but one of only few sacred ones, on his chest? What was he seeking? What was he thinking? Why.... why was he deceiving Hideyoshi-sama?! And why hasn't he dropped dead yet, for such a Sin, if he truly_ _was deceiving Hideyoshi-sama?! Then maybe he wasn't? Maybe the truth was something he didn't know???_

_Tomorrow._

_Tomorrow he would go to his Lord, prostrate himself before him, and say,_

_"My name is Mitsunari Ishida. I'm not Lord Hanbei's flesh and blood. I beg of you, Lord Hideyoshi, kill me now, but with no mercy. I beg of you, make my death as long and painful, and agonising, and excruciating, as you deem just. I ask... if you deem it worthy... that you give my soul a second chance, someday, somehow, to serve You. And for that, it must be purified. I beg of you... forgive me. Give me pain, give me agony, give me death, and please, in your mercy, forgive my great Sin. I beg you."_

_Yes._

_Yes._

_Tomorrow, he would do it._

_Tomorrow morning._

_As soon as Lord Hideyoshi awoke._

_Yes._

_Tomorrow._

Feeling a little cleaner, and now ready for such blissful redemption and forgiveness, Mitsunari Ishida, who spent last eight hours - whole night - on a floor, sometimes sitting, sometimes kneeling, sometimes pacing like a caged wolf, quietly and slowly fell on a floor and fell asleep in three seconds, smiling softly. He knew what to do tomorrow. He knew what to do. What must be done. For the sake of Lord Hideyoshi's truth and memory - for surely, it would make it easier for the Lord to get his memories back. Certainly, the obstacle to his memories... yes, he was the obstacle to his memories. And so, he would gladly break this obstacle. Let Hideyoshi-sama break this unworthy obstacle. And so, he sighed, and smiled again, now deeply asleep in bliss and despair. With a promise of absolution of the newest sin, his fingers lightly tracing the sacred absolution of sins of old, caressing it, as always - he could never sleep even for half a second without first doing so.

_Like a touch._

_Like a gift._

_Like a kindly said 'goodnight'._

Asleep already, he tried to trace the Sacred Name as well, but his fingers avoided it in blind panic and shame, for he was not yet clean enough. Not yet purified. Not enough. Not enough. _Not yet worthy again, to touch, to trace it. Not enough._ ** ~~Enough? Tch~~** _Not enough._

__________

~~_**Are you there, Friend? I can feel a tiny, tiny, veeeeery tiny piece of you. In that scar of my boy's. But are you alive, or not really? Conscious, unconscious? Do I even still call you a fellow Shadow... or are you a shadow of a Shadow, unconsciously left behind as a gift?** _ ~~

 

 

~~_**.*** _ ~~

 

~~_**Thought so. Nevertheless, thanks or something? My little stupid boy draws strength from you. Bah! From almost a corpse. Stupid, stupid. But so am I - so joyful at the comapy - buahhahhhhhahhahahahaha, I do appreciate said company - of a shadow of a shadow of a shadow of a shadow of a shadow of a shadow of a shadow of Friend, what man would call Friend's hair or nail. And so, let the foolish thrive, for I am but one, Friend. Other Shadows do ostracise me so - for being a bit TOO much of a Light junkie, but Friend, Friend knew the meaning of Shadowlife in truth. In truth, I'm partly Him.** _ ~~

 

~~_**-^** >** _ ~~

 

~~_**Being left behind while Friend must be celebrating whatever Shadowafterlife didn't, hahahahaah    ha ha haahhaaa ha didn't serve to improve your mood, I see. That, too, I do so appreciate.** _ ~~

 

~~_**He... hah. If I were a Wind or a Light or an Ice or a Lightning or even a Feeling, I would now sigh. Ha! Ha! Hahahahahahahahahabuahahahah!! Why is it that only we Shadows are unable to sigh, I know not. And how is it fair, when - ha - even my boy can sigh, and even your guy sighed? Heheh!!!** _ ~~


	13. Interlude: Trust him Unconditionally

**Interlude**

**Trust him Unconditionally // Aber Ist das Wirklich Rightige f ür Ihn?**

 

 

Everything seemed very quiet in Mitsunari Takenaka's tent. So quiet, in fact, that Hideyoshi Toyotomi felt almost assured that, for once, Hanbei's son was asleep right now. Which was a rare occasion, indeed. He didn't need the memories of the past to know that much about Hanbei's son: the memories of the past few weeks quite sufficed, indeed. When it came to such matters.

Hanbei's son, who was currently carrying such a great burden alone, on his own, probably afraid to tell him. Afraid that it was still too early after his mind recovered? Hideyoshi didn't feel the need to recover more, right now: he already felt completely healthy. No wonder, though, that Hanbei's son didn't see it that way, and was worrying too much. And carrying such a burden--

To be perfectly honest, speaking of that burden, it still felt unreal. But it was true. Hanbei's son's eyes told Hideyoshi that much, no matter how much he tried to stifle such horrible truth inside and not tell him.

Hanbei Takenaka was gone. He couldn't have fallen in a battle - no, not Hanbei, Hideyoshi knew how strong Hanbei was. Which meant that the illness claimed him, while Hideyoshi --- was he there, with him, in the last moments? Or hadn't he been there, then?

That was one memory he wanted to reclaim, though at the same time, he dreaded reclaiming it.

And so, he went to Hanbei's son's right hand's tent, for confirmation. Maybe it was immature, or needless - but he still needed to confirm. Though what was there to confirm, when Hanbei's son's eyes, so honest it was nearly impossible, but still real, already told him the whole truth? What was there to confirm... what was he even doing? Was this a weakness?

 

Still, before he went into the tent, Hanbei's son's right hand must've felt his presence and went outside it immediately to meet him, bowing a little, grinning slightly nervously, with some sort of secret hidden in his eyes. Ah, so he thought he still didn't know. Mhm, winds knew how to keep secrets, from what Hideyoshi Toyotomi has heard of them. In Shima's eyes, the secret - or was there more of them - would be impossible to quite discern, for those who didn't know of said secrets.

Good. Hanbei's son needed such a general, didn't he? Maybe in the morning he should tell the boy that he approved of Sakon Shima. Naturally without telling him of the painful conversation he, Hideyoshi, was to have with Sakon tonight.

 

************

 

“Sakon Shima. Takenaka Mitsunari-kun is asleep now, isn’t he?”

“Y-yes, L-Lord Hideyoshi!” To say that it wasn’t shocking to be awoken in the middle of the darkest night by Mitsunari-sama’s amnesiac Master and apparently God himself's blazing Light would be… a lie, yes, but also quite a gamble.

So maybe he could say it later. Not to this face, though - and not to Mitsunari-sama’s face, either. Still, there was some danger here, Sakon could just feel it in the air. Now, which lie has been seen through? It was, after all, fifty-fifty on that front.

“Good. Shima, tell me just one thing. My dearest friend - your Lord’s father - he is… gone, is he not?”

Sakon fought with himself not to sigh a huuuuuuuuge sigh of relief, and so, he only nodded mutely, not smiling, not smiling, not smiling. Whew, he managed not to smile. Good work!

"Y-yes, my Lord. Your astuteness amazes me, since Mitsunari-sama suffered a great deal trying not to disclose such information to you, fearing for your-- if I may be frank, really -- mental condition so soon after -- well, you know, Lord Hideyoshi! Uhm, he didn't put it this way, so if that's offensive, that's all on my head, 'kay? I swear."

"No, Shima, nothing you've said here offends me. I did lose more than half of my memories because of Ieyasu Tokugawa's treasonous murder attempt on me, and so, it's understendable that Mitsunari Takenaka may fear I may lose even more, if I - do learn of something unexpected. Thank you for the confirmation of my. Of my suppositions. You're - dismissed, go back to sleep."

"Th--"

" **GO."**

"Oh - Yes, hideyoshi-sama!" 

(geez, can't you see when the man wants to be alone, my boy? you blind now or whatsis?

give me a break, stupidwind, i was busy being relieved that he still trusts mitsunari-sama and haven't caught on the fact that mitsunari-sama sooooort of lies about being the son of hanbei-sama, if we're being very technical and carnal, here!)

Sakon quickly returned to his tent - or rather, he tried doing so. Before Hideyoshi stopped him.

"Shima, did you only whistle, or did you say something? I can never quite tell."

"N-nah, my Lord, I've only whistled!"

"I see. That's what I thought. When I once thought that whistling was another language, because it nearly felt like it, I asked Hanbei to discern it. When he focused on it, he said that sometimes, some words can be felt in this 'language', but only rarely."

"Words? Uhm, what word was there in mine, Lord Hideyoshi, if I may ask?"

"It was 'Hanbei', perhaps, if I'm right."

"Oh. Well, to be truthful, you are quite right, my Lord. I was, well, mourning--"

" **GO."**

"Yes, sir! 'm going, 'm going in now. Back to the tent, yes."

 

**********

And so, Hideyoshi still trusted Mitsunari-sama unconditionally, and didn't suspect the white lie. What a relief, Sakon thought, quickly falling asleep again.

He knew he'd wake up when needed or wanted again: that's how the winds blew. After all, can one imagine an early morning without the light breeze? And so, he never felt uncertain about falling asleep, unlike his beloved Mitsunari-sama. Mhm, surely with Shadow, it was different. Too bad Mitsunari-sama had something so unreliable and fickle, unlike Wind. And something more cruel than the Wind.

But: that's part of what made Mitsunari-sama Mitsunari-sama, wasn't it? If so, then don't let it ever change. Ever.

And if Sakon prayed, he'd pray that Hideyoshi still trusts Mitsunari-sama, always, in all days to come, because the alternative would utterly destroy Mitsunari-sama, in every sense.

 

*******

The thought of asking whether Mitsunari Takenaka truly was the son of Hanbei Takenaka didn't exist in Toyotomi Hideyoshi's conscious mind. Why would it? Even discounting Mitsunari Takenaka's name and honest eyes, there was one other fact that, for Hideyoshi, made it **PERFECTLY CLEAR THAT MITSUNARI WAS HANBEI'S SON AND HEIR. BECAUSE THERE WAS A TINY PIECE OF HANBEI'S SHADOW IN MITSUNARI TAKENAKA'S CHEST. AND SO, HE WAS THE SON: THERE WAS NO OTHER POSSIBLE EXPLANATION.**

**AND SO, EVEN WITHOUT MEMORIES, MITSUNARI TAKENAKA DIDN'T NEED TO EARN THE TRUST: APPARENTLY, IN THIS CASE, HIS UNCONDITIONAL TRUST WAS HEREDITARY.**

 

***************

When Mitsunari Ishida woke up, he quickly made sure that he could still feel the presence of Hideyoshi-sama, and that, unlike in back then, in Oshuu, it wasn't wavering even slightly, that it was completely in this world.

That was always, since the day it rained, the first thing he did every day: if he happened to fall asleep, that is, which was nearly unforgivable. What if ~~_**Ieyasu**_~~ attacked his Lord when he was asleep, after all? What then?!

He'd never forgive himself if--

Lost in his dark thoughts, he still noticed that his Lord's presence was getting closer, unconsciously so, like one would feel the rays of the Sun warming them more and more, and fell to his knees in reverance.

He wasn't surprised at being immediately told to rise: Lord Hideyoshi usually did so, now, probably because of the... because of what Mitsunari said... well, didn't quite say...

**~~_Because you, boy, lied to him that you're my friend's boy's son. There, I said for you, if you can't. Happy? Ha ha! So honest, but you really can keep a lie going, if you don't need to say it aloud, don't you, boy? Don't you? Buahahahaha!!_ ~~ **

~~~~**~~_Yes,_~~** ~~~~because of that deception, exactly... No, he had to tell, he had to tell his Lord, now, that he wasn't Lord Hanbei's son, never had been...!!

"Lord Hideyoshi, if I may speak freely, I... I... please, punish me!! I've been keeping... secrets... from you, crucial once, and it's unforgivable, and so...!!!"

His Lord raised his hand and so, Mitsunari immediately fell silent. Since he was not to speak... did his Lord already know? Maybe, just maybe... in his sleep, he thought he felt his Lord talking to Sakon. Ah, so maybe, maybe Sakon told Lord Hideyoshi.

Good. It was truly a blessing to have Sakon, now he wouldn't have to utter aloud himself, about all the crimes he's commited... good. If he was still alive after the punishment - though he doubted that, unless, perhaps, his crimes were such that he should now be tortured for days or months? Maybe so. So, if he was still alive and conscious at the end of the day, he would thank his Sakon from relieving him of the worst pain: the pain of telling Lord Hideyoshi that he, Mitsunari Ishida, had lied to him.

Yes, Sakon truly was invaluable.

"Listen, Mitsunari Takenaka. I already know. I know of the secret you've kept from me. Don't say that aloud - not now. Someday, we shall talk of it, if... if necessary."

"I---I see, my Lord. I... I apologise, for this vile deception. And I await Your just punishment, my Lord. I--- if I may ask, can I be punished immediately? It's already been---so long, that. And my sins are such that I cannot bear--"

"Punished? No, son, you've done that because you weren't sure I've recovered. That's the only reason you haven't told me, isn't it? About Hanbei. About the burden of your, as you say, 'deception'. Though with how honest you are, it was no deception, even if you were trying. Trying to deny your own honest nature for me."

Burden? Yes, the sins of lying - two lies, even! Of lying to Lord Hideyoshi... it indeed sat heavily on Mitsunari's very Soul. But to think that, his Lord Hideyoshi, in his infinite mercy for him, would not only apparently forgive two lies, but even, in his boundless mercy, see how heavy such sins weighed on Mitsunari's conscience....!!!

"I--- thank you, my Lord. And I beg of You, punish me--!!! And... my Lord, your health was my main concern, and your---" (sanity? ~~**_He couldn't say that._**~~ ) "---but, I was also--- utterly selfish, had been utterly selfish in denying You the truth just so I would not be the one to burden You, my Lord! And so, my selfishness cannot be forgiven!! I should... suffer punishment, otherwise... otherwise... otherwise...!!!"

**~~_Otherwise, surely my Soul is lost. And now, again, am I not selfish? What is my measly soul worth?_ ~~ **

**~~_Eh, so melodramatic. Even my Friend's piece agrees you're very melodramatic?_ ~~ **

**~~_Piece?_ ~~ **

**~~_You wouldn't sense it, seeing as you're such a small toddler._ ~~ **

**~~_How dare...!! And besides, only I'm here, and nonexistant you, and no other fragments of other nonexistant things belonging to anyone else. If anything that ever belonged to Hanbei-sama was here inside me, I'd immediately know and revere it!_ ~~ **

**~~_Pfhaha, as if. Tooooddler._ ~~ **

Meanwhile his Lord shook his head slowly, and then uttered something that dispersed all the weight, and made all the Darkness strangely light, now, weighing almost nothing at all, as if it was being turned into Light, instead:

"Hanbei's son, you've already punished yourself on your own, by carrying such burden and such grief on your lonesome. There shall be no further punishment when it comes to your 'lies', since you insist on calling them such, honest as you are."

Mitsunari could only nod mutely, not trusting himself to utter a word. He didn't deserve such a blessing, not now, he truly didn't, he was now so happy, so relieved, so glad... he could barely bear it. If he died from relief, now, if such a thing was possible, would that be his atonement?

~~_**Pffhhaaahhahhaaahaha** _ ~~

~~_**Quiet! This--I'm being forgiven, so don't mock--** _ ~~

~~~~"Hm? You've said something to yourself, didn't you, son?"

"Ah-- my apologies, Hideyoshi-sama!"

"I only know since it's a little similar to Hanbei's. Don't concern yourself with that, son, I don't even quite know what you've 'said', beyond the fact that you sounded relieved and slightly agitated."

"I apologise for such rude--"

"Don't be. Now listen: I've come to talk to you because I've made my decision. About you."

"My Lord?"

"Hanbei's son, I'm adopting you, here and now. And making you my heir, and his heir. Altough you already were his, so let's just call it a confirmation. That is all - you're now dismissed. It seems you've only slept three hours, so go and sleep one more. That's an order."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> 1\. "Aber ist das wirklich rightige für sie?" - from "Utena La filette revolutionnaire" (aka official German DVD "Utena" translation).
> 
> 2\. About the tiny piece of Darkness: see my ficlet "Absolution", which is canon to all my SB fics, no matter which verse they take place in. So, sorry for possible confusion, here. :)


End file.
